Save You
by xBrokenStars
Summary: "I want to die," he says, and I know he isn't lying. "I won't let you." Matt needs to save Mello. Now complete!
1. Save You

_Listen to: __Save You- Simple Plan_

"I'm home!" The door slammed behind me. "Oops." I still didn't hear any response. Maybe he was asleep. Ever since Mello and I had quit living at the base, and moved into the apartment, we had been catching up on needed sleep. The past week had been tough. We worked long hours with barely any rest.

I quietly turned the knob of his bedroom door and glanced around. Nope. I looked into the adjoining bathroom. I almost walked away before noticing something. Taking a closer look, my eyes widened at what I saw. Your eye is supposed to be drawn to the color red. That was the first thing I noticed- the bright red blood. Streaks of it colored the sides of the white bathtub. Someone was lying inside, facing away from me, their head leaning against the tub. They were naked and covered in blood. However, it wasn't just any person. It was Mello. I screamed once I realized that.

_You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you_

What the hell had happened? Was he even alive? I reached into the tub and attempted to pick him up. I realized too late that the blood would stain my clothes. I didn't care, I just needed to help Mello. It wasn't an easy task, but I managed to carry him to out to his room and lay him on the bed. A trail of blood followed me into the room, across the floor.

"Mello," I whispered to him. "Please, please, please wake up. I couldn't forgive myself if you died. You're my only friend. You understand me better than anyone else. We have been through so much together. I don't know what I would do without you. And... I love you."

Suddenly, as if the last thing I said startled him, I saw his eyelids open to reveal cold blue eyes staring at me.

Now that I was over the shock of finding him, I had a chance to see for myself what had happened. I glanced down and saw more than just sliced skin- I could see the pain, the reason he would do this. Across his stomach were hundreds, it seemed like, of little horizontal lines. On his left hip the cuts were much deeper. The blood from those still leaked out and pooled in the incision. The top half of his legs were covered in the same marks. Also, as he attempted to move, I saw that the inside of one arm was red with strange marks that were different than the others. These weren't bleeding, but it was as if a sharp object had been pressed into the skin, just not enough to cut it. The left arm was filled with the same little incisions all over his body.

He was silent for a few moments, his wrists clenched tightly. "Fuck!" he yelled, wincing as he sat up. "Really Matt? Why did drag me out? I was fine there!"

"You weren't okay." That much was obvious.

Mello glared at me, bit his lip in frustration and said, "I didn't care. I didn't want to be okay."

Was he honestly mad at me for saving his life? Did he want to bleed to death right there in the bathtub and let me be the one to find him? Did he really think that I wouldn't care if that happened? "Mello." was all I could say.

"What do you want?" he retorted.

"I want you to be okay."

"Not gonna freaking happen." he said in a nonchalant manner, tossing the matter aside.

I glanced down at the bloody marks all over his body once more, and he must have then realized he was naked. A look of embarrassment crossed his face and he rolled over to face the other way.

I walked into the bathroom and grabbed a fluffy towel from the closet. It was white, ironically. It will wash out, I told myself.

When I walked back into the room, Mello had curled into a ball on the bed and was sniffling. I laid the towel over him and sat down on the bed next to him.

"Go away!" he ordered me, moving to a normal position and spreading the towel over him. He was still angry.

My only response was to give him a hug. I hoped he could feel the caring and compassion in it.

"Mello... I'm not leaving you alone tonight."


	2. Broken

_Listen to: Broken- Seether feat. Amy Lee_

"Mello... why?" Matt pondered to himself, lying on the sofa with his head in his arms. He hadn't taken this easy. One more tear cascaded down his cheek. He knew what all the cuts represented- it was all the pain that Mello felt inside, leaking out. Why, he wondered, did Mello feel all this pain?

_The worst is over now and we can breathe again_

He glanced over at the sleeping form and saw the same Mello he had known for so long. When they were both only children at the orphanage, they had become best friends. Years later, here they were together, living in an apartment after the case that had almost taken their lives. It was hard to adjust to a normal life at first, but Matt found it easier than Mello. There were no more phone calls at 3 am, no more nights spent laying awake because of fear. It was certainly a calmer lifestyle. Mello, however, didn't know how to live without a risky situation. It was always something. He had to be on edge, all the time. He left the orphanage at 14, and not long after that was when he became a leader of a powerful organization. He was always risking his life, and had nearly died on a number of occasions. Matt had been there to save him many times. Yet this was the first time he had tried to take his own life. Why did he hate himself so much?

"Matt!" he head a shout from the other room, and jumped up to see what Mello wanted.

The sight he saw was so sad, he almost teared up. But he was Matt, he didn't cry. Mello laid there on the bed, his skinny form curled up on the bed. Clothes covered most of his cuts, but his arms were uncovered and looked awful. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were red.

"You probably want an explanation..." Mello trailed off, and glanced up at Matt, who sat down on the side of the bed.

"If you want." he replied in a gentle tone.

"Okay." it came out barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry," his voice cracked as he spoke the words, "I can't. I just can't talk... about it right now."

Matt felt as if his heart was being ripped apart. It hurt him to see how broken Mello really was. The thing was, he had never noticed before. Was Mello just putting on a mask and acting through the day like everything was alright? Why had he not let Matt, the one closest to him, see this side of him?

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

Mello sighed quietly. Overwhelmed by sudden emotion, he began to cry. The second time Matt had ever seen him cry. The first... was a very depressing situation where someone close to Mello died. It happened to be really the only relative he cared about. Matt had comforted Mello when he needed it. Right now, he couldn't stand to see Mello like this.

"I... I can come back, Mello."

The only response he recieved was a nod of the head.

_There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight_

He had all the time in the world to figure this out, and to help Mello.

Matt closed the door and the moment he stepped into the living room, burst into tears. Mello didn't understand. He simply didn't love himself. If only he could see what Matt saw in him.

**Aw this is making me sad! Matt cares about Mello so much and he doesn't want him to hurt like this :/**


	3. The Last Night

_Listen to: __The Last Night- Skillet_

The next few days passed fairly uneventfully. Mello seemed to be... almost in a coma. He had barely even left his room in the past few days. Three days, to be accurate. This was the last time he had acknowledged Matt as well.

Sometimes he would be laying down covered in blankets with his eyes closed, but not asleep. Others, he would be staring at himself in the mirror. It was all odd behavior. Once, Matt had gone in to check on him and found him drawing something in a sketchbook. Hmm. He didn't think Mello was the artistic type, but he could be wrong. Whatever made him feel better.

"Matt?" he heard a quiet call and immediately ran to Mello's room to check on him.

"Yes? Are you okay?" he wanted to make sure Mello hadn't done anything bad again. Thank God there were no sharp objects lying around.

A small voice raised itself from under the covers where Mello was huddled. "I just wanted to talk to you."

Matt closed the door, not for privacy- because there was no one else there, but more out of habit. "Okay?" He wanted to listen to everything Mello had to say. He wanted to know what provoked him to do this to himself.

_You come to me with scars on your wrist_  
_You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this_

He glanced down at the scars that would take a while to heal. There were so many... it was as if all the emotion had leaked out through the cuts in his skin.

Mello sat up and began to tell his story.

"I don't know if I'll be able to tell you... the full story, tonight. But I will eventually. It's just, I went through a lot when I was younger. And some of it still haunts me to this day. It starts off with me living with my parents until I was 10. I hated it. They were always arguing. I remember so many nights that I came home from school and cried in my bed at night because they were up talking and I didn't know what they were saying, just that they were mad at each other. It seems that they wanted to protect me from anything bad, yet they fought with each other so much about how to raise me to be a perfect child... that they just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't just that, but also my father had a drinking problem. He would drink and gamble all his problems away, then come home and my mom would be mad at him because he was drunk. She would end up the next day with a few bruises, and both of them with dead, emotionless eyes. Then one day I overheard them talking about the debt we were in. They couldn't afford to keep living like this, let alone with a child. This was what I went through before I was even a teenager. I wanted so badly to stop it. To find some way to fix it. Yet I couldn't. I was only a child. A 9 year old can't fix his parents' issues, no matter how much he wants to. My 10th birthday I didn't ask for any presents and I didn't receive any. I thought they had forgotten about me. I tried not to care. All I heard that night was screaming. And then, a shot was fired. Inside the house. I was in my room, and was so scared. I thought my dad had shot her. It turned out he wasn't aiming towards her, or anyone. The bullet had only gone through the wall. Still, I was freaking traumatized. I was still a child, and hearing that inside my own house..."

Through all this, Matt listened calmly. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had no idea Mello had childhood issues like this. He always kept that side hidden from everyone, even his best friend.

A tear cascaded down Mello's face as he told his childhood memories.

_Didn't want you to see me cry_  
_I'm fine but I know it's a lie_

"I was sent off to the orphanage a few days after that. A quick, easy decision that would get rid of me. That's what they decided to do with me. I was just an object that needed to be thrown in the trash. I never saw them again. When they dropped me off... My father didn't say anything. When he got back in the car and wasn't looking, my mother gave me a hug and whispered to me, "I'm sorry, I wish it could have been better. I love you, Mihael." I found out, in the newspaper, that she died the next year. My name wasn't listed as family. I didn't know how she died, and I didn't want to find out. I just hoped it wasn't him."

By this time Matt had scooted closer to Mello and gave him a reaction in between a smile and a grimace. "I'm so sorry." was all he could say to console Mello. His family was so messed up and terrible that it wasn't hard to see why he hated his life.

"Oh, that's not all. Well, the issues for me started when I was 13. A bit before I left the orphanage to go out on my own. I just didn't feel as though I needed someone looking over me. I probably did though. I wonder what it would have been like if I had, you know, someone like you there with me. I think it was... 7 suicide attempts in just 3 years? No, 8, actually. I was slowly driving myself insane. I tried drugs, but it was too expensive to keep up with at the time. So I resorted to even more damaging methods of coping. Starving, cutting, more starving, deeper cutting. Sometimes I drank. Life was absolute hell for me. But at least I felt like I was worth something then. I did everything I could to make the underground world believe in me. I wanted people to think I was smart and talented, that I could be the best. But I never ended up amounting to anything, in my eyes. It was never enough. I saw all my little flaws. Even though I was an important member of the mafia at such a young age, I couldn't please myself. Oh, that's another thing. At the orphanage, I was always the second best. I couldn't stand it. Never first like I wanted. I tried so hard to be smart, to be perfect. Yet I was always stuck behind Near and it pissed me off to no end. I wanted to be better than everyone."

Matt sighed. "I wish I had found you earlier. We got to know each other, and then you just left me at the orphanage. I was so confused. At one point, I convinced myself you hated me. Later I realized you probably just wanted to escape and be on your own. Then when I finally left, I wanted to find you. I had no idea where to look for you. I wasn't lost, but I wandered everywhere just looking. You meant so much to me. And I would have tried to find you even more if I knew what you were going through."

Mello seemed genuinely touched by this comment. "Wow. Well, I don't think I would have let just anyone see me going through it. I hid it from the outside world, but if I had you there I would completely break down. You are the only one that I would ever feel comfortable with, crying in front of. Talking to about this. But to others, I was fine. Only I could see the moment when all my walls went down and I just crumbled because I couldn't take it any longer. I would break down crying, staying up all night hoping I didn't feel the need to kill myself. I didn't want help, but now I see that I needed you. And I'm so glad I have you now."

**Hi. Um... it's 5 am. Don't judge my writing too much :) Thanks for reviews!**


	4. To Write Love

_Listen to: To Write Love on Her Arms- Helio_

Mello gave him a small smile, and Matt knew he should leave. Some time alone might be good for him. To think over everything that had happened so far.

How had he never known? Now he could tell, easily, what he should have been able to see so long ago. Some signs that were overlooked... If only he could have helped Mello before.

His father didn't care about him, even though his mother did. They were just another young couple who had a child, then realized their relationship wasn't enough to hold the family together. A tear slipped down Matt's face as he thought of all the fighting Mello had to endure as young child. He imagined Mello hiding in his room, under the covers covering his ears, trying to ignore the loud voices coming from a few rooms away. Later in life, he turned to more destructive measures to forget it.

Once, Mello told him, he was drunk and got in a fight at a party. He almost killed someone. He was only 14 at the time. That was the moment when he realized he had to change, at least to where he didn't hurt other people. He thought it was fine if he was only hurting himself. At the time, there was no one to care what he was doing to himself.

_Feeling worthless, self destruction_

_Try to take control of this_

Years and years of feeling worthless had turned him into what he was today. What his 8 year old self would have never wanted. It hurt Matt, so badly. To finally find out that his best friend hated himself. It was depressing, how he thought no one cared about him. Could he not see how much Matt cared?

Now, they were together at last. And Matt knew that Mello needed help with this. It wasn't a problem to be cured with antibiotics and bandaids.

"Hello? I have a friend who needs help. He has an eating disorder, cuts, and is suicidal. Any appointments for tomorrow?" Matt knew Mello might be mad at him at first, but this was really the only solution. Unless inpatient was needed. But he wanted to go this route first. The less invasive way.

Hopefully everything would work out alright.

As soon as he hung up, Matt opened the door to his friend's room. "Wake up sleeping beauty!"

Mello pretended to still be asleep, but he knew Matt saw through it. He groaned and stretched his arms wide, leaning back onto the bed. He had gotten used to sleeping in lately. However, Matt had always been an earlybird.

"Come on, you lazy butt! Get up!" Matt joked. Mello considered his mood way too cheerful for 10 am.

The only response he got was Mello flipping over and burying his face in the pillow.

Matt just gave an exaggerated sigh and threw the covers off. Grabbing a water bottle from the nightstand, he warned his friend, "If you really want me to." He positioned it pointing down toward Mello's head and began unscrewing the cap.

The blonde immediately sat up and gave Matt a death glare.

"Good morning to you, too!" He laughed as Mello stood up, his glare less intense.

"We have to go in a few. Here." Matt tossed some clothes at Mello. He decided to be vague about it, because details might make Mello anxious, and that was the last thing he wanted.

When the car pulled up in front of the brick building, Mello's jaw dropped. Matt faintly heard him say, "Oh hell no."

He touched Mello's arm lightly to get his attention. He jerked away from the contact, startled at the unexpected touch. Then he looked Matt directly in the eyes and waited for him to speak.

"Mello." His voice shook a little. "I'm going to help you. What you're doing... it's a slow suicide. It hurts both of us. We can get through this together, okay?"

Mello bit his lip and nodded, just enough to acknowledge him.

The next events were inevitable. So many personal questions to answer... They got through the consulting appointment, then met Mello's new therapist. He would be going two times a week, with the first appointment in a few days.

Matt hoped with all his heart it would help his friend.


End file.
